If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.
I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull.
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it....
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!!!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Body Facts- Very Interesting
~The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.
~A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
~It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
~One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
~Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
~The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
~A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
~If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died.
~Men with hairless chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
~There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
~Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover about one square inch.
~Women blink twice as often as men
~The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
~When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate.
~Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you aren't.
~Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
~If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
~The average woman is five inches shorter than the average man.
HEY GUYS...Still looking at your thumb, aren't you!
~A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
~It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
~One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
~Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
~The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
~A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
~If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died.
~Men with hairless chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
~There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
~Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover about one square inch.
~Women blink twice as often as men
~The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
~When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate.
~Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you aren't.
~Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
~If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
~The average woman is five inches shorter than the average man.
HEY GUYS...Still looking at your thumb, aren't you!
Remembering Our Babies
On September 28, 2006, the US House of Representatives passed House Concurrent Resolution #222, making October 15th National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.
In Memory of our Little Angels
May 2002
February 2005
November 2005
For more information, please visit http://www.october15th.com/
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Redneck Love Poem
SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.
PAPPY TOLD HER, 'SUSIE GAL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.'
SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL;
YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER.
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.
BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;
YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.
PAPPY TOLD HER, 'SUSIE GAL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.'
SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL;
YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER.
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.
BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;
YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.
What to write about???
What should I write about? Guess my brain is having one continuous fart tonight! Ah, that's it, I can talk about FARTS!
Ya know, farts wouldn't be all that bad, except that whenever you have one, it's always when you're in public. Matt's let out quite a number of beauties while sitting on those plastic booths at the fast food joints! Ever heard one of those! Holy Cow, better grab your udders, 'cause you're in for a real treat! Funniest damn thing I've ever heard! Of course, Matt always has a nack for doing it when there's no one else in the place but us (and one of the employees who just so happens to be wiping down tables nearby)! Then, he starts laughing like he's watching a really good show on Comedy Central! Gee hon, think you could make it a little more obvious! I think he figures by laughing, it'll make me look embarrassed, and then people will think it was me!
Have you ever had one of those farts that builds up fast, then sits and does nothing? Talk about a pain (literally!) You try and try, but can't get it out and pretty soon you think your whole intestinal track is going to bust! Then, before you know it, it's gone! No farts. Nothing! It's just gone! So where in the hell did it go? That's one I'll never figure out!
Why is it that husbands think it's so funny to fart under the covers, then either fan the sheets or better yet, shove your head underneath them? Is this some sort thing that must be done before they can really be called a man? After a few years of marriage, you soon realize that you'll never win the war by taking the brunt of things, so you figure if you can't beat them, join them!
Speaking of being married a few years, isn't it fun the way we shut the door and turn on the faucet when we go to the bathroom during the first year or so of marriage? OMG, it would just be the end of the world if they heard what we were doing in there! Like we're the only ones that use the bathroom for it's intended purpose!
Oh, I've got plenty more, but will continue my fart blog (ewww, that sounds gross) later!
Ya know, farts wouldn't be all that bad, except that whenever you have one, it's always when you're in public. Matt's let out quite a number of beauties while sitting on those plastic booths at the fast food joints! Ever heard one of those! Holy Cow, better grab your udders, 'cause you're in for a real treat! Funniest damn thing I've ever heard! Of course, Matt always has a nack for doing it when there's no one else in the place but us (and one of the employees who just so happens to be wiping down tables nearby)! Then, he starts laughing like he's watching a really good show on Comedy Central! Gee hon, think you could make it a little more obvious! I think he figures by laughing, it'll make me look embarrassed, and then people will think it was me!
Have you ever had one of those farts that builds up fast, then sits and does nothing? Talk about a pain (literally!) You try and try, but can't get it out and pretty soon you think your whole intestinal track is going to bust! Then, before you know it, it's gone! No farts. Nothing! It's just gone! So where in the hell did it go? That's one I'll never figure out!
Why is it that husbands think it's so funny to fart under the covers, then either fan the sheets or better yet, shove your head underneath them? Is this some sort thing that must be done before they can really be called a man? After a few years of marriage, you soon realize that you'll never win the war by taking the brunt of things, so you figure if you can't beat them, join them!
Speaking of being married a few years, isn't it fun the way we shut the door and turn on the faucet when we go to the bathroom during the first year or so of marriage? OMG, it would just be the end of the world if they heard what we were doing in there! Like we're the only ones that use the bathroom for it's intended purpose!
Oh, I've got plenty more, but will continue my fart blog (ewww, that sounds gross) later!
Friday, October 3, 2008
Matt's junker
Yep, no family can be complete without matching his and hers junkers (see the post below for more explaination).
Actually, Matt's Nissan pickup is a very useful junker. It runs, gets decent gas mileage, and hasn't broken down yet (knock on wood). And, the best part is that we can go 4 x ing, without having to worry if it gets scratched or dented up in the hills!
The pickup as a very unique color, not to be found by many people around these parts. It's a lovely shade of red-orange. Waxing won't cut it for this paint job! But, why have it repainted when it might get scratched up in the hills anyway?
The Nissan pickup was obviously designed for someone under 5' tall, and under 100 pounds! The bench seat is the most uncomfortable I've ever sat in. This is worsened when out shopping, and having to put the bags in the front when it rains. When arriving home, after removing a dozen bags from the floor board, I can once again find my feet! After painfully climbing out, I realize that my legs are stuck in the position they were in, when the bags were surrounding me. The best way to handle this situation is to roll out of the truck and hope to land on my butt, where there's some extra padding!
Didn't take us long to realize we needed a slightly larger pickup!
Actually, Matt's Nissan pickup is a very useful junker. It runs, gets decent gas mileage, and hasn't broken down yet (knock on wood). And, the best part is that we can go 4 x ing, without having to worry if it gets scratched or dented up in the hills!
The pickup as a very unique color, not to be found by many people around these parts. It's a lovely shade of red-orange. Waxing won't cut it for this paint job! But, why have it repainted when it might get scratched up in the hills anyway?
The Nissan pickup was obviously designed for someone under 5' tall, and under 100 pounds! The bench seat is the most uncomfortable I've ever sat in. This is worsened when out shopping, and having to put the bags in the front when it rains. When arriving home, after removing a dozen bags from the floor board, I can once again find my feet! After painfully climbing out, I realize that my legs are stuck in the position they were in, when the bags were surrounding me. The best way to handle this situation is to roll out of the truck and hope to land on my butt, where there's some extra padding!
Didn't take us long to realize we needed a slightly larger pickup!
My junker
Have you ever owned a car that isn't quite perfect, and you wonder why you have it? (I'm referring to one of those extra cars, like the rednecks like to collect...OMG, I'm a redneck)! That describes my 77 Datsun 280-Z. It looks like a sports car (with the extra detail of rust spots and oxidized paint), but it doesn't run like a sports car! When the hood is opened, one can see why it doesn't have that "get up and zoom" like it once had. The hoses are all bad, and someone decided it would be a good idea to go silicone happy. But, that's easy to fix right? Just replace the hoses! Not as easy as it sounds. First of all, it's impossible to find after market parts, so forget running to the local Auto Zone for parts. You'd be better off going to the junk yard and trying to find anything under the hood that looks better than what you've already got. Now, here's a little twist to things. The car was running pretty good, considering the overall shape of things under the hood. One day the transmission started to stick and I discovered it was low on transmission fluid (yes, a sports car with an automatic)! So, after adding some transmission fluid, do you think it ran good after that? Nope! Suddenly I felt like I was driving a moped scooter! Just a few months earlier, it was cruzing down the interstate at 110 MPH (obviously the cops were at the donut shop)! I'm afraid to put fuel injector cleaner in it (yes, it has fuel injection too...77 was the first year they put it in), because it might clean out those areas that are now holding leaks pretty well). The interior isn't all that bad, except that it smells like old car. Original cream colored leather seats (except that now they are a little more of a tan color), with only a few little problems. A nice looking replaced dash (affixed with silicone, of course). The original can of Nissan Fix-a-Flat under the spare tire. But, nothing can be perfect, so there's a whole list of what's wrong with the interior too! For instance, if the weather is cold, the passenger side door won't latch shut. The drivers side mirror is loose, so it's pretty much useless, unless you can figure out a way to move your head up and down at the exact rate that the mirror is wiggling around. Every window leaks (this makes it fun when taking through a car wash)!
Now that winter is approaching a joy results from being able to save a few bucks on insurance by storing the car until spring time! Every spring, I get excited to take it out on the road, until I realize how much work needs to be done! It's just wrong for a car like this to be such a junker, and I intend to make it like new again, for the sake of the car. Unless I sell it first! I'd probably make enough money on it to go buy a bicycle or a nice skateboard!
Now that winter is approaching a joy results from being able to save a few bucks on insurance by storing the car until spring time! Every spring, I get excited to take it out on the road, until I realize how much work needs to be done! It's just wrong for a car like this to be such a junker, and I intend to make it like new again, for the sake of the car. Unless I sell it first! I'd probably make enough money on it to go buy a bicycle or a nice skateboard!
Meet me in Montana
Just like the words of Marie Osmond's song, it holds true.
"I had all of this life I can handle. Meet me underneath that big Montana sky".
Having grown up and spent my first 30 years in "the city", I never thought I would want to leave the only life I'd ever known. That all changed as soon we moved to Montana. Some of my fondest memories from my childhood are the times we spent at Grandpa and Grandma's farm in Polson and at my aunt and uncles place in Kalispell. As kids, there were never ending possibilities of things to do, including geting into a little mischif from time to time with the cousins:-) Things were simple. The thrill of riding a horse, or the time Grandpa put the saddle on the edge of the pickup bed, and let us kids pretend like we were riding. Grandma's old stove sitting outside, where my cousin and I got caught "baking" some really messy mud pies. Spending Chrismas knee deep in snow. The birth of Eggy, the calf, on Easter Sunday. Grandma's Saturday night special for dinner- Slumgullian (most people would call it goolash). I miss those times that I'll never be able to have again, but I keep the memories alive.
Now that we live in Montana, we feel as though it's always been our home. The wildlife is litterally right outside our back yard, as the deer walk up the streets in town. We can drive 10 or 20 miles in just about any direction, and be in the national forest. There is a sense of peace all around us, and we feel fortunate to live here, where not everyone is caught up in the fast paced world.
"I had all of this life I can handle. Meet me underneath that big Montana sky".
Having grown up and spent my first 30 years in "the city", I never thought I would want to leave the only life I'd ever known. That all changed as soon we moved to Montana. Some of my fondest memories from my childhood are the times we spent at Grandpa and Grandma's farm in Polson and at my aunt and uncles place in Kalispell. As kids, there were never ending possibilities of things to do, including geting into a little mischif from time to time with the cousins:-) Things were simple. The thrill of riding a horse, or the time Grandpa put the saddle on the edge of the pickup bed, and let us kids pretend like we were riding. Grandma's old stove sitting outside, where my cousin and I got caught "baking" some really messy mud pies. Spending Chrismas knee deep in snow. The birth of Eggy, the calf, on Easter Sunday. Grandma's Saturday night special for dinner- Slumgullian (most people would call it goolash). I miss those times that I'll never be able to have again, but I keep the memories alive.
Now that we live in Montana, we feel as though it's always been our home. The wildlife is litterally right outside our back yard, as the deer walk up the streets in town. We can drive 10 or 20 miles in just about any direction, and be in the national forest. There is a sense of peace all around us, and we feel fortunate to live here, where not everyone is caught up in the fast paced world.
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